Snort and sniff...

Spring is here, and with that comes the sneezing and sniffing that the nose provides when the air becomes full of those pesky little particles of dust, pollen, and other bits of flying things that we would rather not know that fly around and go up our noses...

Well today we focus on the booger, more importantly, how fast boogers seem to regenerate in the naval passages. If you are a sniffer like most Americans, you might find that only a few seconds after you have sniffed your way to freedom, more boogies build themselves up in a hurry to cause more sniffing just when you think that it is all over.

I guess that you can attribute this to the fact that there is more crud flying through the air, so that you will build up extra stockpiles of bugger forming particles quick. Yet for some reason is seems that if you would do activities that deal with more movement and speed, that you should be able to dodge around the floating nose cloggers, like Neo in The Matrix. But No, it only increases the intake on the nostril front...

Maybe the Chinese have something with the coverings over their mouths and noses when they are riding bikes around. Should we be taking a vein from their lief? or a page from their book? or a hair from their noses?...

VCS...

There is an epidemic out in the world. In this age of cellular phones, kids are getting bombarded with calls from friends and telemarketers. Many of these children are being infected by new forms of disabilities. The latest disease is something doctors are calling VCS (vibrating crotch syndrome)...

VCS is a serious disease that effects, as stated in the title, the crotch. It occurs when a person places their phone on the vibration setting and leaves it that way for extended periods of time. After a while of only being able to feel if someone is calling them, VCS strikes...

VCS strikes by imitating that same vibration in the groin region as the cellular phone does. Thus making the victim believe that they are receiving a call when they are not...

Side effects are: quick uncontrolled hand motions towards the crotch for no reason, excessive checking of the blank phone screen, and cancer...

If you wish to help in the fight against this life afflicting disease, mail any amount of cash to:
VCS Research Center
910 E. 6th St.
Moscow ID 83843

Thank you for your support...

Little matters...

Every once in a while we do something bad that we will remember for the rest of our days never to do again...

I'm not talking about the times when you shoot someone and sit there and think about it until you come to the conclusion that that was a bad idea after all and you should refrain from and further shooting of friends from now on. No it is about littler matters than that...

For instance, when you are done taking a shower and you turn off the water and revolve around to the curtain to see it has lots of little friendly water droplets all over it. Then the thought strikes you, 'I could knock all those down if I just hit that curtain with my hand!'... And with a giggle and a small dance in the tub to celebrate you brain for thinking of this new wonderful idea you hit the shower curtain like the child you are...

And as the drops hit you, you remember all the little laws of the world. That those little drops have been giving all the heat that they once held for you to the dang curtain, and are now cold, oh so very cold...

These are some of the things that we do that we will remember never to do again, slap the water off the shower curtain while you're still in it, not smart. Next time you get that childish feeling to do something similar to this, think it through for a minute first...

BP...

Travesty, something that has been grotesquely misrepresentation of something...

So with this definition in mind I would like to have a small discussion about clothing. There is a travesty in the clothing industry of the world. It comes in the form of the color "Barney Purple" (BP), and is straight out of the eighties, and would do better returning to the grave in which i died in...

Barney Purple, I did make this name up, but it is intended to differentiate itself from other colors of purples that are out there. Most purple is ok, and looks good on girls, but that one color is a degradation of the soul, I can't see how they don't feel the pulling down of there self image while wearing it...

So here is my plea to all the girls that have a shirt in this horrid color, burn in. As a witch on a stake in olden times, burn it. And if you happen to see one hanging in the discount section of Ross, Goodwill, or Salvation Army, do the rest of the world a favor and purchase it to burn and purge the world of this Travesty of fashion...

Insults...

When an argument gets heated and boils down to just throwing insults at one another to try and make the other one run to a corner and cry, there is a surefire insult that is made to have everyone from little children to grown adults swimming away in the river of tears that they are crying...

You might know a bit of what I am talking about. Here are some of the typical insults that are thrown around:

You Mom, this is a good one, because everyone at some point had a mother and most moms are looked up to, so this can be like a kick in the groin...

Dummy, this is a little childish, but I believe that most everyone has had a nagging feeling in the back of their head that they aren't as bright as they think, so this is more of a good hefty smack on the back of the head...

Loser, commonly misused insult, most people aren't at the top of anything, so really you are stating a fact about their life rather than insulting them, only use this if you are fighting with a professional athlete that has recently had an article published about him that claimed that he is the best thing since no iron bed sheets...

There are many other insults that are running about free in this world, and maybe you have used some of them, but as I said before, there is one that tops them all... Are you ready for this? can you handle it? You better go and get yourself a few buckets and towels in case you start to weep copious amounts of tears...

Here it is: Your other mom!

OH can you feel the heartache from that one? I'm crying just writing this... Ok so I don't really suggest using this insult unless you have some extra time on you hands for cleanup... Fluids tend to run wild when this, oh so sensitive subject is brought up... So be warned, use only on your worst enemies...